WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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