did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
