I wish I only lived at night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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