fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
