Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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