The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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