Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
