I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
