I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
