this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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