It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
