New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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