Your mouth is God's brothel.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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