Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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