just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
