I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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