Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
