i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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