Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
