I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
