I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
