Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
