last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
