ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
