If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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