I never want to see another naked old woman again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
