Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
