Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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