So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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