omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
