my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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