i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
