Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
