nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
