barbara walters just said penis...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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