She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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