The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
