Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
