we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
