I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
