SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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