When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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