wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
