You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize