My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize