Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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