I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
