Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
