i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have fence marks all over my body
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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