I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
