i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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