his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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