Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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