bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
