Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
