he thought i was a dude.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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