He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize