My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
