I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
