just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
