You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
