Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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