I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize