I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
