Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
