I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
