I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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