I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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