can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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