I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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