I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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